Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Blood in the Badlands

The account of Landsknecht Gordo Leichbart before Balthasar Zuchav, Earl of Lukovitch on his return from a skirmish against the new Incursion of orcs lead by Skuzbag the Slow.

B: Where are you men Landsknecht, and what happened to the glorious skill of the Landsknechte of The Open Plain

G: Well sir the orc inc....

B: No excuses now Landsknecht we hired you to collect information on the new incursion of Skuzbag the Slow, and the handsome amount that we are willing to pay will be more than enough for you to recoup your losses if it is as thorough as I am to believe..... It is very thorough is it not?

G: Yes sir

B: Carry on then.

G: Well sir we scouted the area around Mount Bloodhorn and caught sight of Vorbash and his Boar riders but they were far off and hunting down caravans so we journeyed on...

B: Go on

G: Well, after several days march through the mountains we caught sight of a wyvern scouting us, we assume with Bishnak on top, so we prepared for a battle. but nothing eventuated, we continued on until we found a Black Orc with a pet snotling smashing his axe into the side of the mountain. By our information this would be Skuzbag the Slow. We were hesitant to approach, suspecting a trap and just as we had prepared our weapons, the Skuzbag let out a horrific war cry...


G: Well the mountain erupted with Orcs and Goblins of all kinds, a group of black orcs swarmed to Skuzbag and hundreds of snotlings charged in front. Two savage orc shamans were seen chanting in a frenzied state and a group of orc BigUns with spear and shield charged into view. We held our ground but the orcs seemed happy to wait for us. As our group easily outnumbered them I called for a charge to destroy them. As we got closer the black orcs counter charged us with Skuzbag smashing through our ranks with the force of a steam tank. We were holding our own and gaining ground when I took a breath to marvel in the glories of Sigmar. But in the sky was not a vision of holiness but of a wyvern and two giant green hands holding a handful of squirming orcs and goblins. These handfuls were placed behind our ranks and fear gripped some of our units as screaming fanatics with a distinct  style smashed through our ranks. Our canoneers who had shot several shells into the black orcs to minimal effect then sought to have a last ditch effort at Bishnak on the wyvern before they were overrun by a group of spider riders.... I think I forgot to mention them...

B: No this is fine, your information is being extremely useful.

G: Oh, well this isn't even the interesting part, They got a straight shot off, a direct hit, I could have sworn that the ball was going right for him, but at the last second the ball disappeared in a puff of green smoke. On the horizon, I could see a massive Araknarok Spider and a green giant ambling towards us and I knew we should make a tactical withdrawal.

G: Well we cut through the enemy lines that barred our retreat slaying all that stood in our path with the biguns and black orcs taunting us as we fled. They did not lay a dedicated chase though and we thought our withdrawal successful. But before we had run a mile a huge dust storm clouded the horizon and I struggled to control my troops as the gutless weaklings broke rank. When I had called them back under control I called for my horsemen to make an escape and give a report of the battle while we made a distraction. A group of savage orcs flanked them in the dust and I saw several fine knights fall. I had given up on making a withdrawal and decided that my salvation would come through the blood of my enemies and my troop stood fast and met the enemy with passion and valour.

B: This story has come to an interesting conclusion, how are you here today if your troop made a valiant last stand I hope you will not presume to tell me that you singlehandedly destroy an entire orc war band.

G: Unfortunately no... I was captured and forced to watch as the green horde performed unimaginable acts of horror on my men. I saw boar riders pull my captains apart and orc archers pepper the injured with arrows. I saw snotlings feed mushrooms to my men, mushrooms that turned them green AND MADE THEIR GUTS EXPLODE FROM WITHIN....... @##&*&@#&*    @#&@#$&*    *&@#& .......I'm sorry sir I will contain my anger


G: Well the Black orc war boss stood before me and confirmed our suspicions that they had congregated together in an effort to control the flying fastness, but he also corrected some of our previous information showing them to be greatly underestimated.....  It turns out the both Skuzbag and Vogash had been black orcs in Grimgor's immortals but they had been left behind when a cavern had collapsed on them. There was quite an argument between the orcs over this, it seems that Skuzbag thought that it was the rocks who were attacking him and Vorbash thought it was the dwarves who had sabotaged the tunnel. Oh and Skuzbag's title is not the slow but rather the... Ahem... Skuzbag RokSmasha Da Destroya O RokFings... heh, and Vorbash is.... Vorbash FaceMuncha Da Fasterer ..., which he explains, is because he is faster than the flying fastness. I was also privy to information concerning  Bishnak ..... Bishnak Skypuncha Da Circus Masta... it seems that he is an orc who has taken a fondness to collecting various different creatures which is shown by the mottled nature of his army, the Araknorok and the giant are his it seems, though Skuzbag said that they were going to borrow them a bit.

G: I also collected some information concerning the captains. Rakrak NoseBittah leads a group of savage orc boar riders with dual weapons for Vorbash. It was these orcs who slew my knights. Badzag GutStabba is the captain of Skuzbag's Big Uns all armed with spear and shields. I believe there to be a special group of fanatics but as the goblins are very secretive about them I was unable to find out anything more, I also heard some squigs but they might have just been for food.

B: well this information has been wonderfully precise and I thank you for offering your life and the lives of your men for the benefit of the empire, you will be sufficiently rewarded for your trouble and I can replenish the core of your mercenary troops from my reserves. Once again thank you for your service.

Here ends the account of the meeting between Landsknecht Gordo Leichbart before Balthasar Zuchav, Earl of Lukovitch

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