Trenches

So once again I was reminded about the confusion and self destructive tendencies that I have or don't have. Sometimes I pretend that I copy people and look to others to understand acceptable practice but sometimes I think that is a lie I tell myself. But then the psychologist said something similar, but maybe that was because it's something I wanted him to think, but then I don't think that I have enough power over my mind, but then maybe I do... Confusion...
So the other day I had a deep and meaningful with a mate, they recalled our first interaction where I parroted some less than flattering information. With my memory blurring I can now recall the memory and have tried to put a spin on it that makes it not so rude and obnoxious. But that is beside the point, I felt gutted, feel gutted, even though I asked and recieved forgiveness. Did feel sick, like I'm hungry but I know I'm fed...
They also reminded me of another interaction with I mutual friend. I knew I was in the wrong, but I was acting on suggestions and desires of others friends. I didn't care but I tried super hard to care. Thinking back it reminded me of my mate who would try super hard to piss his friends off. Whether I knew it or not that was what I was doing.
I felt bad, incompetent, unfeeling and regretful. But God brings good out of evil. It's only day one but I have the feeling that once again God had given me a gift and taken away a temptation from me. It put things in perspective for my relationships and with God and his grace for every aspect of our lives. It gave me fear but also hope for the future. It reminded me that we don't change a huge deal throughout our lives, sometimes when I look at dad I see a twelve year old boy not a fifty year old father.
Changing tack and ignoring context, I had a few mates in school that I came off on the wrong foot but later we had great relationships. I don't remember initial contact, it gets blurred in my memory and fades unless someone rebuilds it.
Words.

An oceanic adventure

This post will be edited greatly most likely with what happened first but I wrote a post on the wrong blog and can't fix it from my phone. And I wanted to post something.

So this is a post about my goblin alchemist from the pirates of the shackles campaign. Currently he has a goblin run submarine, a bone anchor that can once a week supply a Skelton crew. He has a top hatted alter ego and is studying the necronomicon to become a lich. Unfortunately the campaign has been put on hold but we shall see what the future holds for GISH DA FIRE LORD!!!

Facepunch

I still don't know what I use facebook for. Now that I have a smartphone I seem to check it quite a bit, not so much so that I know what is happening to my friends but mostly because I feel the need to view each new post.

I have found in a few conversations that the status update serves the purpose of actual conversation and I think that is the main reason I use it for.

When I think I have an interesting story I feel the need to post it on Facebook. Sometimes I have already told a few people and other times I have been home alone and more likely to forget the story by the time I see someone.

The problem I find when I post things though is I am starting to get the strong feeling that I am a Kharmawhore, even though there is no Kharma on Facebook. I have noticed a few times that I have updated my status and kinda picked who of my friends will like it. I made the status because I knew they would like it, I suppose I could turn it around and say that they would not hear the story if I didn't post it but it still feels very unnatural.
That said I couldv'e posted this to Facebook but I figured because this gets less views I would be safe.

Been listening to a ton of Sufjan Stevens, he has quite a few Christmas songs and they are all very melodic, had it blasting from my Computer yesterday as I was cooking ANZAC biscuits and doing the dishes.

A chaotic Eddy

Weeks ago I told Raskal that I was planning on writing more blogs, as I could use it as my review process for my vicarage and it would be fun to write things down so I don't forget them... But I do not do the things I want to do...

But here we are, several weeks and many stories later I am making the first move. This is going to be a blog full of embellished stories, mediocre grammar and other musings which pertain to the chaotic state of my mind.

To make a start on this I will recount the events of the last weekend which was full of people and things.

The weekend started on Friday with chopping wood, so that our wood fire would keep us warm in the night whilst we had our doors open so the house wasn't stuffy. then I had to do two lots of dishes because I hadn't done them since making lasagna and ANZAC bikkies. then people started rocking up for the board games night and we talked for about an hour while the meat was cooking.

Board games were played, gatecrashers rocked up and Nerf guns were fired, by then it was 1:00. Then, like any sane people would, Jeff and I decided that we should go to Kmart and buy a scarf for a girls birthday. we had previously asked a mutual friend what would a good present be, she said a scarf... a nice blue one... So the quest for the blue scarf commenced.

We got to Kmart, all the scarfs were dodgy and cheap looking to our manly tastes so we rejected that train of thought and went to check out the Nerf guns, which due to the blue nature we decided would be an excellent gift for a woman of 30 odd years of age.

Woke up ~8 and had to go back to the shops to buy a scarf... because... found a blue fluffy one, happiness was found and we went home, Jeff to organise computer stuff for a church Garden event and myself to 20min of wrapping a present.

The Garden thing was educational, they told us that our veggie gardens should be pretty and not in rows, they proclaimed the apocalypse to all people and the need for or own veggie gardens. They spoke into my context with their message of plant symbiosis, recently playing the game REUS where that plays a large part.

the afternoon was non eventful, but the evening contained an enjoyable meal a non surprised party and a trip to the local drinking hole where drinking was not an activity. 10:30 arrived, then sleep, sermon, vegetation, sermon, facebook conversations, Peace and an early sleep.....